OBJECTIVE REALITY

The Republican leadership reacted angrily today to claims that objective reality exists. Speaking from a realm where unicorns have just killed Darwin, using semi-automatic pistols, the House Republican Leader, Mr. One of an interchangable array of twats, reasserted the party's previously stated opinion that: "NO, NO, NO!". His newly inflatable wife stood at his side as he spoke from the steps of one of Eschers' paintings. "If we grant that concession to the opposition then homosexual monkeys will rape our children legally while wearing Hitler masks!". He asserted before being led away by those people who lead other people away. His ex-sister’s wife was unavailable for comment.

Reports that he was later arrested in an airport bathroom along with a Moroccan bond trader and two large rodents have been fried with a little garlic, and just the sultriest hint of fresh basil, by the party's mother.

 

Archibald Suarez
Washington, United States